Nov 28
The Revolutionary History of Doggy-Style
Of all mammals, humans are practically the only ones who don’t just get laid on all fours, doggy-style. Should this be seen as a sign of evolution?
Before becoming civilized, did Mrs. and Mr. Homo Sapiens begin their love affair one behind the other, on all fours in the marital cave? Like animals!
A sign of evolution?
Certain anthropologists have asserted that Homo Sapiens did not truly become human until the blessed day the male had the idea of turning his female counterpart over to make her adopt the missionary position.
Others have claimed that the woman took the first step, becoming bipedal before her draft husband and morphologically ready for head-on sex.
Mrs. Homo sapiens would thus have taken the initiative of the romantic face-to-face, suddenly making the species take a decisive evolutionary leap.
However, this idea popularized by Jean-Jacques Annaud in La Guerre du feu (The War of Fire) could be more plausible. The tilting of the pelvis and the female genitalia that makes the missionary position possible probably dates back to at least three million years, well before the appearance of our species!
Eve strikes a pose
All this seems like nothing, but a real controversy will swell during the second third of the 20th century: is doggie-style prehistoric or not? In any case, many paleontologists go so far as to exclude any romantic refinement in these distant and backward times.
A small example: in 1948, the German Lothar Zotz got his hands on a figurine that seemed to him to represent an androgynous being, provided with a beautiful pair of plump buttocks and a kind of conical cylinder in which he believed to see a penis.
For Zotz, there was no doubt: the statuette is tilted like a woman, the buttocks raised, waiting from behind to meet the man.
The man was categorical: our hunter ancestors only took their women on all fours from behind. Since then, prehistorians have learned to be careful. We have no idea how our very distant ancestors used to have sex. The only certainty is that they did, and pretty well, otherwise we wouldn’t be here to talk about it!
Rearview
In their defense, the doggy-style position has remained vigorously condemned by the Church for centuries. So what do the priests say to their flocks? Make love because you have to, but only in vaso debito (in the proper container) and incredibly not retro (from behind) and more ferarum (like animals).
For the good fathers of the Church, this position is bestial; worse, diabolical.
It gives birth to counterfeit, leper, crippled, or monstrous children! Elsewhere, however, the doggy-style position is celebrated and appreciated.
The Kama-Sutra even recommends several variations, the most famous of which is the Cow Congress. Why not fuck like animals? The bonobo, one of our ape cousins, makes love like a man!
Moreover, this pleasant turnaround does not lack advantages, including allowing vigorous and deep vaginal or anal penetration. According to sex therapists, the man even gains an extra 2.7 cm of penis! So if we sometimes blame the doggy-style position for its lack of romance, it would be wrong to blame it for its lack of eroticism.
