“Peace Amidst the Chaos”

If you’re still buckled in to this rollercoaster of a ride that is, Thirty Days of Haydee, I thank you! Today is Day 2 so let’s get to it..

This morning, a good friend of mine (Love you P) sent me the pic above. A rainbow over a misty sky in The Bronx. It was beautiful! It was the perfect description of my current thoughts and it inspired todays blog entry.

By definition, a rainbow is simply a display of colors caused by light striking water droplets in the atmosphere. So typically after a storm, you’ll see a rainbow form. Christians believe a rainbow signifies a reminder of Gods commitment to earth. But I’m not Christian so it’s significance is a lot less religious.

To me, it signifies peace. Light at the end of the tunnel. Perseverance. Sometimes in life, we are consumed by our darkness and we are unable to see passed it. There is so much beauty in the little things, such as a rainbow in the morning sky after a rainy night.

For most of my childhood, I was subjected to dark times and happiness was something I found in Disney movies. I’m naturally a dreamer so I frequently pictured what my life would be like as a Disney Princess. (Thanks Walt) I was aware that it wasn’t reality, but somehow my imagination convinced me it was attainable.

But it’s not.. and that’s OK! It took a lot of life experiences to admit that to myself. My life has always been chaotic, for the most part. My Aries moon shows it’s ass A LOT! I’m a huge astrology fan so you’ll be reading a lot of references about “My Big Three” LOL! Anyway, I thrived off chaos and peace felt uncomfortable. Unfamiliar.

At some point, my shitty choices and the shitty people I allowed in my space, began to take a toll on my mental health. Imagine that! 🙃 I constantly felt mentally and physically drained. Energy vampires are real people! I made a conscious decision to make a change. I started with working on my physical.

Earlier this year, I joined the gym. Wow! I never realized how much working out helps on your mental well being. I became more productive, developed a better sleeping schedule and felt AMAZING! I managed to find a way to battle the darkness in my world. For a long time, I was convinced it was drugs, alcohol or sex.

To add to this newfound journey, in hopes to finish connecting the dots of my life, I started therapy again (Thank you to the person who encouraged me to). Yesterday, a friend asked me, “What is your goal?” I replied, “I want to stop self sabotaging, better understand my emotions, where they stem from and maintain healthier relationships.”

Just like the rainbow pic above, I want to find peace. Simple. Peace amidst the chaos in myself.

❤️‍🔥