‘​Tis the season to play the good old game of who has gotten the worst gift ever?!

A game I must admit, I have an unfair advantage in, as I ALWAYS win with a treasured gift, given to me by my mother-in-law, 10–14 years ago (don’t remember the exact year).

Back then, big, bulky bracelets were all the style. Large plastic beads, maybe adding in some charms, the works!

“Build your own bracelet/necklace” kits were EVERYWHERE, and it wasn’t kids jumping up and down to get them, but grown women, ready to get their DIY on, and fill their jewelry box with all the gaudy plastic beads it would hold!

My mother-in-law, who was always one to keep up with what is “hip” and “new” (her words, not mine) knew of this new jewelry phenomenon, and while she never actually partook in making her own, did collect a wide array of planet-destroying, brightly colored plastic jewelry, to match any outfit she would wear.

I, however, never fell into the craze. It just wasn’t my thing.

So, it was no surprise when I received a beaded bracelet from my mother-in-law for Christmas, since she loved this kind of thing.

Honestly, it was a shock she got me something so mundane!

She would normally get me things she knew I would hate. Our oldest son told her that I thought nutcrackers looked “creepy” and within 5 years, I had three nutcrackers I had to display every year at Christmas.

Another time my husband told her I didn’t like massages, as I felt more uncomfortable being touched by a stranger, than any relief I would possibly get by having a massage. That year I received a gift certificate to a local masseuse.

You get the picture, I’m sure.

This bracelet (pictured above), although not at ALL my style, seemed very…normal. Sure, it wasn’t expensive, and it didn’t even come with tags, but it was a gift that wasn’t a jab, so I LOVED it!

I​ even wore it semi-regularly. I would say it was probably on my wrist at least twice a month, even if I wasn’t going to be around my mother-in-law.

It had sentimental value to me, as it was a gift that represented building bridges between myself and a woman who, for some reason, seemed to enjoy wasting money buying me things she knew I wouldn’t like.

That summer though, I wore it to a BBQ my family went to, which was hosted by the head of the K-9 unit at the military base (The kennel master). It was there that my bracelet came into view for what it REALLY was.

My husband (a K-9 handler as well, but he worked bomb dogs) was pulled aside by the kennel master and questioned about my bracelet. “Where did I get it? How long had I had it? Did I wear it all the time, even at home?…”

Questions that had my husband wondering if his boss had some kind of jewelry fetish or top-secret jewelry knowledge on poisonous metal!

By now, I have been brought into the conversation and had taken off the bracelet and handed it over to the kennel master, just as confused as my husband.

Seems that the kennel master thought I was addicted to cocaine.

Why?

Well, for one thing, I am skinny.

I don’t work out or have an eating disorder. I actually LOVE food. I am just naturally skinny. I also don’t like pasta, so my carb intake is less than the average person’s (skinny and fit do not mean the same thing and I am very much proof of that).

But the main reason he thought I was dancing with the devil’s sugar was the “crack bracelet” on my arm!

See, the kennel master was well versed in all ways drugs were carried, including jewelry, since he was the head of the department who trained and worked the dogs who sniffed that kind of stuff out.

Once he was convinced that I was not an enjoyer of happy dust, he showed us why he questioned it in the first place, and oh boy did I feel like the world’s biggest idiot!

There are two charms on the end of the bracelet, where it connects, that I assumed were nothing but ornamental.

The first is a disk, with a hole in it. Its cute little design is meant to fool the average person (such as myself) to its true purpose, which is snorting a line of nose candy.

The second charm actually opens up! A feature I didn’t know after owning it for over six months.

The little containers’ purpose is to hold and carry the snowflake powder of chemically induced energy and inflated ego.

Now, I wish that was where the story ended, but it is not.

Because upon opening the second charm, at the bottom, in the creases where the metal met together, there was a residue of a white “substance”.

So, not only did my mother-in-law buy me a crack bracelet, but she also didn’t even find me worthy of a NEW one! She got me a USED one!!

And before you think that she might not have known what she was buying, she was a county police officer for 22 years.

For the last 4 years of her career, she worked in the women’s jail, where there was no way, she had not pulled a few of these off of the arms of inmates as they were brought in.

When she was confronted about the bracelet by my husband, she swore she bought it at a flea market with “no idea” what it truly was. She might have gotten this bracelet out of the police storage locker for all I know though.

My husband has begged me to get rid of it. My mother-in-law, once she realized I knew what it was, has even tried sneaking into my room and rifling through my jewelry box to get it back (No way I would keep it in there).

Both of them, I’m sure, would hope that the photos I have above were not taken specifically for this article, but instead, old ones that I had of it.

Too bad for them though, because these photos were taken today, as I still have it, LOL!!

I​ REFUSE to get rid of it! It is my favorite jewelry, aside from my wedding set and crucifix!

Obviously, I have never worn it again after that fateful day at the BBQ, but it is such a fun little conversation piece to own!

I​ will cherish it forever, the way I am sure my mother-in-law hoped I would when she gave it to me! Although for completely different reasons than she probably thought I would when she handed it over!

And the nutcrackers and massage gift certificates were all given after this bracelet, so no, she hasn’t changed. She just learned to stay away from drug paraphernalia. 😁