Daydreaming of positive change is like free anaesthesia for the mind. Post periods of upheaval, fantasies are a soothing alternative to the emanating state of coming undone. Watch your step though, as this seemingly wholesome retreat should come with a warning label.

If the success of the marvel franchise is anything to go by, we are clearly drawn to the musings of what ifs and multiverses. And why not? Fictionalising enriches our experience of the world and offsets our grievances — from the banal to the unbearable.

Maybe you fantasise on a personal level — like your very own Back to the Future timeline shakeup — or maybe more big picture — like a thwarted JFK assassination or failed Tudor resurgence. But what you might not know is that lavish daydreaming is one of the more subtle effects of trauma.

I myself love to indulge in wishful thinking. In a world of self-medication and overconsumption, idle reverie seems a rather pleasant style of coping, don’t you think? But the problem is — when overdone— it can veer perilously close to disjointed beliefs steeped in cosmic justice.

In a world of self-medication and overconsumption, idle reverie seems a rather pleasant style of coping.

Don’t get me wrong, there is cozy reassurance in fundamental order and purpose — the idea that even though you were dealt a crappy hand, one day the universe will tip the scales in your favour. A healthy dose of spiritual escapism, if you will. But there are various ways this can go south.

1. Unrealised potential overshadows real-life goals

First, it supports illusory possibilities in place of realistic ones. The scales could seem so out of whack you would literally need to win the lottery or some supreme accolade to restore balance. Suffering may be relative, yet we can’t deny some suffering is categorically more chasmic and enduring.

2. A sense of lack dims confidence and connections

As these wild prospects stay naturally bound by fiction, our misplaced optimism can mutate into a toxic blend of frustration and bitterness. Before you know it, that trusty trauma response has discoloured your relationships and left you submerged in a pool of animosity.

3. Supportive loved ones are taken for granted

Tricky still, over-crediting cosmic equity can mean people who are kind, loving and loyal become karmic rewards rather than autonomous humans. Those gems in our lives deserve to be appreciated for their generosity and affection, not consigned to some external force of divine intervention.

4. Mistaken morality corrodes self-worth

Of course, on the flip side of reward is punishment. In keenly seeking that dreamy and elusive equilibrium antidote, sooner or late our woes become the corrective agent in the equation. The narrative twists to position an indebted wrongdoer worthy of pain, and we are left to salvage our own self-image.

But the dreary alternative to cosmic order is seeing our life trajectory through the lens of chance and coincidence. You might call this existential nihilism, or — as I like to call it — dumb f**king luck. And let me tell you, it’s a rude awakening when the warm bed of moral requital is stripped bare.

Clearly, fantasy has a powerful impact. As a teetotaling pregnant friend once said: the world needs a filter. A little distortion beats a clear-eyed summation of the facts. So how can we embrace our contemplative nature while creating possibilities for positive change?

Well (like most things in life), it’s a matter of finding balance. Not through mystical means, mind you, but logical discernment of fantasy and truth. When we redesign our thinking, this alters our interactions and experiences. And this can be done in 3 less instinctive ways:

1. See things as they are. A handy tool here is the scout mindset, which involves humbly updating your ‘map’ — your perception of yourself and the world — to be as accurate (and bias-free) as possible.
2. Reground your ideas in the real world. Dreamscape or otherwise, curate an affirming belief system that is viable and genuine. Musings that line up with our values and interests are far more motivating.
3. Hold your identity lightly. Think of identity in a matter-of-fact way — more a descriptor than central source of pride and meaning. This can help you disentangle from those deep-rooted byproducts of trauma.

Sure, it seems unimaginative. And sure, stretching the mind beyond its trusty perceptions no doubt comes with teething problems. But accurate thinking is an underrated and tenable resource to rally our spirits. And at the end of the day, when the easiest person to fool is yourself, it’s best to plant your feet firmly on the ground.

Originally published at http://lylablakeblog.wordpress.com on November 28, 2022.