Girl Unfolding
I’ve stopped pretending like I ain’t complicated
Like I’m not layered like an onion
Well seasoned
Yet still marinating
& still paranoid trying to predict what’s lurking round the corner
On the verge of taking a risk & still fighting for safety
Wanting a love
But still running far away from it
Being humble
But a know it all in the same breathe
You can’t tell me shit
Cuz I’ve got the answers
A good day today
That goes to shit the next
A good girl
Then a freak
With the potential to break you in half if I wanted
Like I don’t think about it sometimes
Strong enough to deal
But weak enough to escape my reality
Confident as ever
& still Weeping with insecurities
One Man’s Land
Talk to me like I’m a child who doesn’t know any better because I’m too stupid to exist.
& excuse me if I can’t look you in the eye while you tear me to shreds with your lips.
I become anxious as you scold and insult me, staring at the tiles or any object near and far from you to avoid confrontation.
& taunt me as I plead with you to stop because it lights your dark humor on fire.
Blame it on the drugs I didn’t know you had earlier today or simply disregard anything I have to say.
Because how could it possibly matter when this is your relationship and not mine?
Decisions
I betrayed myself
I traded my morality for a moment
I saw the truth & justified my looking away
The part of me that was good, embraced the evil and welcomed it
I hesitated, then silenced my conscious mind for quick comfort
I sacrificed the paining of others for my own pleasure
I put consequence to rest for a bite of that sweet apple
I had betrayed everything I was made of
Then, one day the wind paid me a visit:
The trees blew intently
The breeze was scolding
All that I had done was returned to my front door
Intimate details…
Tainted human minds hijacking good things
Billions of eyes watching open wounds bleed out
Without bandaids offered
Beat em or join em?
The decision isn’t clear on some days
Self interest feels less risky
The struggle to be alive
To have a mind that waits up for you as you begin nodding off
No rest for those that care either
Watching flames die out
Wondering how life arrives
The details, the illusive details they’ve got so much story to tell.
Unclenching
Eventually the fear subsides
I begin to open up, welcoming my lonely
What was I so afraid of?
And why did I try to hold on so tight?
As all the right people disappear, the silence feels right
Why do we have this constant urge to escape ourselves?
Just how bad is it when we look in the mirror?
Eventually you realize…
That you can’t hide for too long
& that distraction only becomes destructive if you let it go on for too long
We’ve all got our reasons
But how longs too long?
